The Weight of the Wait

A serious blog.

The Weight of the Wait. I can't even take credit for the cute little title. I saw it online somewhere, so its fresh in my mind.

Waiting SUCKS. Any type of waiting.

Waiting for a vacation
Waiting for pay day
Waiting in the waiting room
Waiting for a promotion
Waiting for a proposal
Waiting for a baby
Waiting for water to boil
Waiting for a miracle
Waiting for Christmas
Waiting for Friday
Waiting for traffic
Waiting for paint to dry

No matter what kind of waiting it is - it sucks. I can't help but admit that I'm a person who lives in the future. Wait. No, I'm not the Terminator. I live FOR the future. Constantly telling Matt: "When we vacation to this place....", "When we live in this house......" , "When we make this much money......", so on and so forth.

And something living about living for the future............... ITS EXHAUSTING. You're constantly.... waiting.

In Dr. Seuss' words:

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...
...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.


So, I think you catch my drift that waiting is terrible. And trust me, we've done some waiting. Waiting I won't even BEGIN to explain because A) It would take too long, and I'm hungry and B) I'm not ready to talk about it yet.

And not trying to play the woe is me card, but shit - has it been hard! Just when I think I'm doing okay, my emotions do a complete 180 and I'm crying in bed all night while eating bonbons. (just kidding, I'm vegan!)

So, where am I going with this (if I'm not going to share anything), right?!

My point is - I'm going to try my best to COUNT MY BLESSINGS and thank GOD for all the GIFTS he has already given us. Because - we are SO blessed.

 And remind myself that God's timing is perfect every time. We are WHERE we're supposed to be and it is time to live in the NOW.

My other point is that through the sorrow, heartbreak, frustration and everything else I've felt, its really incredible how God helps bring special people into your life to help you through it. I've made some friends I never thought I would and I've grown closer with people I haven't spoken to in years. Its really amazing how things work out.

So many times Ive been SO angry and so bitter that I cut myself off from the world (family and friends included). I cut ties. I burn bridges. I worry my friends think I've forgotten about them or that I've moved on...
But then there's those few people who stick by your side no matter what. No matter how busy their lives are. No matter how hard their times are. They remind you that you're loved. And its such an amazing feeling.

So for those friends who knew something was wrong before I even picked up the phone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'll never be able to put into words how much you've helped me.

And to my husband who held my hand while I wept for hours last night (for no other reason that I simply wanted to cry) -- You are the cream to my coffee and I love you.


Time to cook dinner. Until Next time.


PS: I'm healthy. I'm fine. Just more serious than normal. Sorry Charlies.