Suzy Homemaker

 I have legit been getting my ass kicked in the whole "full time working, Puppy Mom, homemaker" thing.

Elaborate?

I CANNOT get anything done in that house. I seriously don't know how people with kids do it. Matt and I wake up in the mornings then take turns between watching the puppies and getting ready for work.

We are always running late because SOMETHING always happens (ex: Pappy jumps the gate, runs down the stairs, and terrorizes Ernie or Lulu gets mad that she is being ignored and decides to poop in the middle of the living room or Pappy and Wally raid my closet and decide to chew up my most beloved and favorite pair of booties or [the best of all] Pappy jumps the gate, terrorizes Ernie, Lulu gets mad and shits in the living room, Wally sees the poop then decides to eat it and cries because he can't jump the gate while chewing on my favorite pair of booties).

By the time Matt and I leave - a ba-gillion minutes late - we sit in the car and exhale as if we had just finished running a marathon. We stare at each other like what have we gotten ourselves into?! We are WAY in over our heads.

But, not really. Want to know why? Because we love our little babies. We love them so, so, so much. All we talk about during the day (at work) is how we wish we could go back home and be with them. But when we do...............

We pull into the garage and immediately hear Pappy and Wally crying from inside [their crate]. As if they're getting skinned alive. We walk in the house and split---- Matt goes to feed the cats. I let the dogs out of their crate. We run to the front door as fast as we can, so the puppies can make it outside before leaking their excrements everywhere. Once we get outside, the puppies are immedaitely begging to go back inside (because its dinner time) at the same time peeing and pooping ON OUR FRONT DOOR STEP. I let them back in after they (at least) pee, and run to the kitchen to grab their food bowl. Go to the garage to get their dog food while they follow me SO EXCITED that they whine and tremble and shake and.......

I finally get the food inside. Dodging Pappy as he's trying to jump up IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AIR to the get the food bowl in my hand. Quickly place the food bowl on the floor HOPING that I get it on the ground  before one of them tips it over, and spills puppy food all-over-the-front-room.

As they're scarfing their food down - to the point that ITS NOT GETTING CHEWED - I put their leashes on and take them outside AGAIN right after they finish. Why? Because they don't poop the first time. They're WAY to excited to eat - and you have about .5 seconds after they finish eating before they take a dump in the living room. So, once they finish going outside, I let them in and we run into the kitchen. I fill their water and as they're drinking it (every LAST DROP) -- I clean out the pee covered crate.

About this time, Matt comes upstairs from feeding Ernie and Lulu. What takes him so long?? Lulu requires half dry food/half wet food perfectly stirred so that every dry piece is covered with wet food sauce -- otherwise, God forbid [the little princess] wont touch her food. AND MATT GIVES IN EVERYTIME.

So Matt comes upstairs and I'm still cleaning the crate. He greets the puppies and distracts them from humping me while I'm kneeling down over their crate trying to clean it! After getting the crate clean, we move it to the bedroom - so that the puppies have more room to run.

THIS HAS ALL BEEN HAPPENED IN THE FIVE MINUTES WE'VE BEEN HOME.

I stand in the kitchen thinking: Fuck. I'm too exhausted to cook. The puppies wrestle, bark, attack the cats, mark their spot in every room Ernie and Lulu go to. Matt follows with a towel and carpet cleaner to make sure the pee doesn't stain our already disgusting carpet.

I throw together some quick, random vegan dish which typically ends up being pasta with Ragu and garlic bread or frozen black bean burgers with fries from the frozen section = really healthy

And you wonder why we've gained weight!!!!!?????

I pour myself an oversized glass of cheap wine, Matt opens a snobby, craft beer. We eat. Pappy has his two front paws on the dining room table throughout our entire meal. Wally runs up into my lap without any warning IN THE MIDDLE OF DINNER. Ernie and Lulu hide downstairs. One of pups pee on the kitchen floor WITHOUT fail during dinner. One of us gets up to clean it up.

Matt takes the puppies outside. I clean the kitchen.

We finally sit down on the couch and are typically ASLEEP by 8 pm.

Why?? We're SO EXHAUSTED from the puppies waking us up EVERY NIGHT at midnight, 2am, 4am, and 6am. So what do I get done around the house? Absolutely NOTHING.

I have about 10 loads of clean laundry in hampers sitting right next to the dryer. I can't fold them because Pappy attacks any blanket or article of clothing I'm trying to fold. I can't go downstairs all by myself because Pappy will either jump the gate or squeeze his way through the railing to be with me. Matt tries his best to corral him, but really, its hopeless. So since we've had the puppies, we've worn wrinkled ass clothes (that never get folded) to work because I DONT HAVE TIME TO FOLD THEM.

And what the hell is going on with our dinners?!?!? Meal planning, quiet time, peace....... what is that?!?!?!?! I seriously feel like a mother of two snarky teenagers who hate us (the cats) and two "terrible two" twins who destroy everything in their path.    I can feel the eye rolls from all of you moms reading this right now.

But, for real! I'm overwhelmed. I'm used to my house being so clean and put together - and I'm used to fresh, healthy meals every single night for dinner with Frank Sinatra playing in the background. And wine. And quiet. And peace......

And lately its been-

CHAOS
CHAOS
CHAOS

 But gosh, we love the puppies so much. We wouldn't change it for a thing! Its SO MUCH like having a newborn child. Matt and I fight over whose turn it is to wake up in the middle of the night (I'm really bad at that), we argue when I'm overwhelmed and freaking out - and he doesn't know what to do except stand in the middle of the kitchen and be like: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!??!

I can't help but laugh when I think about the chaotic times. I bet you all CAN'T WAIT to read the amusing posts when we have an actual real baby!   NOT ANYTIME SOON!!!!!!!!!!

But aren't these the times we're going to look back on and be like : Aww I miss when they were puppies........

Off topic: I'm sure you wouldn't be surprised to find out that I follow my fair share of blogs.

I love reading them with my cup of coffee every morning while the dogs tear up the entire house. One of the blogs I follow is a Little Gym Mom who has four children (AND A PUPPY) and makes it look WAY too easy. She bakes, she cooks, she goes to all the kids functions, and IS A PROFESSOR on top of it......
In her last post (where she wrote about cooking, baking, and so on...) I commented: "I'm re-evaluating my homemaking skills as I type this"

Why? She makes it look way too easy. AND SHE IS SO MUCH BUSIER THAN I AM!

Where am I going with this??

SHE COOKS A WEEK'S WORTH OF MEALS IN ONE NIGHT.

Genius!!!!!!!!!!!

So, my whole point of this entirely long "woe is me" post is that I'M GOING TO TRY THAT! Cooking all of our dinners in one night -- and having the rest of the evenings to........ I don't know, train our fucking dogs???

 The one cooking night, though, will take an ENTIRE bottle of wine.



PS: We waited to start Pappy and Wally in puppy classes due to the scare with the poisonous mushroom (when we thought it could have been Parvo). The vet recommended waiting until they had ALL their vaccinations before exposing them to any dogs. Well, their next doctor visit is December 2nd, and I emailed the dog trainer guy this morning asking if we could start on the 9th........ That will help, right????